Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
