So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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