2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
