what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
