his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize