Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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