I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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