and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
