I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
