guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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