The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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