the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
