those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
