I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
