Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
