so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm at about main and main street
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
