No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
