I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
