Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Life is so much better after having sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
