you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i now understand why vodka
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
