dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
