Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
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So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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