well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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