Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
