they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I deserve this hangover.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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