there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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