marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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