Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
