Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
