you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
