i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
