Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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