My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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