I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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