Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
