I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
