Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
