The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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