After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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