i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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