guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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