and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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