hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
