yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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