she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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