My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
