The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize