If i could tip my vagina, i would.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Im part way to drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
