Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
