did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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