no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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