dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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