Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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