Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
