Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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