I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
