My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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