like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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