I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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