i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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