my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
