Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
