Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
