I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
