I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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