I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
