he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
