I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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