i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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