$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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