I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
